Marriage counseling: types, the first session, and going without your spouse

Marriage counseling is couples therapy for married couples. You and your spouse meet with a counselor to work on what keeps going wrong between you. Full disclosure: we make Venna, an app where couples talk with other couples. Venna isn’t marriage counseling and doesn’t replace it. This guide answers the questions that come up when you’re looking for marriage counseling.

On cost, a therapist in private practice usually charges $150 to $400 a session, according to Psychology Today, and insurance usually doesn’t cover it unless it’s tied to a diagnosed mental health condition. Our couples therapy cost guide has cheaper options. Our guide to couples therapy covers who provides it, the main approaches, what the research says, and how to find someone.

The two names are mostly used for the same thing. “Marriage counseling” is the everyday name, and “couples therapy” is the one many therapists use, since not every couple they see is married. Search either one and you’ll find mostly the same therapists.

What matters is whether the person you see is licensed and works with couples regularly. The title on their website matters much less.

If faith is a big part of your marriage, you have two main options.

• Counseling with your pastor, priest, rabbi, or imam. If you belong to the congregation, your pastor may already know you both, and your faith is part of the conversation from the start. Some clergy have counseling training. Many don’t, and they may suggest a therapist for problems outside their training.
• A licensed therapist who brings faith into sessions. Psychology Today’s directory describes faith-based marriage counseling as counseling that brings a couple’s religious or spiritual beliefs into the sessions. Ask how they’d bring faith into your sessions.

A title like “pastoral counselor” or “Christian counselor” doesn’t tell you whether someone holds a state license. To check, ask: “Are you licensed as a therapist in this state?” If one of you is more religious than the other, find someone you both trust. Otherwise, one of you may feel outnumbered.

Premarital counseling happens before the wedding, usually for a few sessions. Some churches ask engaged couples to do it first, and some couples go on their own. It covers the big topics: money, kids, family, sex, faith, and who does what at home.

Many programs use a questionnaire you each fill out separately, such as PREPARE/ENRICH or FOCCUS, a Catholic-run inventory also offered in Christian and interfaith versions. A trained facilitator then goes through the results with you.

Does it help? In a 2006 random survey of households in four states, those who’d had premarital education reported more satisfaction and commitment, less conflict, and lower odds of divorce. The authors point out that a survey can’t prove cause and effect. Couples who sign up may already be more invested in their marriage.

Sometimes one spouse wants to work on the marriage and the other isn’t sure they want to stay. Marriage counseling assumes you both want to work on the marriage. Discernment counseling was designed for when that isn’t true yet.

It was developed by William Doherty, and the Doherty Relationship Institute trains counselors in it. According to the institute:

• The goal is to get clear on where the marriage is headed. The counselor won’t try to fix your problems yet. In the institute’s words, “This is not couples therapy.”
• You commit to one two-hour session. After that, each of you decides separately whether to come back for another one, up to five sessions in all.
• Much of the work happens in one-on-one conversations with each of you.
• At the end, you pick one of three paths: keep things as they are, separate or divorce, or commit to six months of couples therapy with divorce off the table during that time.

The University of Minnesota program where Doherty developed it says discernment counseling isn’t a good fit when there’s a risk of domestic violence. The institute keeps a directory of trained counselors at discernmentcounselors.com.

Most first sessions follow a similar pattern, even when therapists use different methods. Expect:

• Paperwork before you arrive. Forms about your history, sometimes a questionnaire for each of you.
• Questions about why now. What brought you in, how long it’s been going on, and what you’ve already tried.
• Your story. How you met, what was good, and when things changed.
• Time apart. Many therapists see each of you alone for part of a session or in a separate one. Ask what happens to anything you tell them privately. Some counselors won’t keep it secret and may share it with your spouse.
• A plan. By the end of the first session or two, the counselor usually says what they think is going on and how they’d like to work.

It can take a few sessions to know whether the counselor is a good fit. If one of you feels the counselor is taking sides, say so early, or try someone else.

You can go on your own. Psychology Today’s directory notes that marriage counseling can still help when one of you is hesitant, and that if your spouse refuses, individual therapy can help you figure out what you need and how to approach the relationship.

Some ways to raise it again:

• Ask for one session, not a commitment.
• Let your spouse help pick the counselor, or at least veto one.
• Say what you want to work on together, not what’s wrong with them.
• Go yourself first. Sometimes a spouse joins later.

If your spouse is leaning out of the marriage, discernment counseling may be easier to agree to than full marriage counseling, since it only asks for one session.

Many counselors now offer video sessions, and some couples find it easier to fit them in. Psychology Today notes that some studies find online marriage counseling as effective as in-person, but that in-person may be a better fit for couples dealing with a lot of conflict.

A few practical points:

• Sit together on one screen, in a room where kids or roommates can’t hear.
• Ask whether the counselor is licensed in the state where you live.
• If you live apart, ask whether they’ll see you from two locations.

If your spouse hits you, threatens you, controls your money or who you see, or you’re afraid of how they’ll react to what you say in a session, marriage counseling isn’t the right step. The National Domestic Violence Hotline puts it plainly: “Abuse is not a relationship problem.” An abusive spouse may use what you say in a session against you later.

Talk to the Hotline first, at 1⁠-⁠800⁠-⁠799⁠-⁠7233 or by texting START to 88788. It’s free and confidential, and an advocate can help you think through your options, including whether any kind of counseling makes sense.

1. What would you want to be different six months from now?
2. Do we want faith to be part of counseling? If so, how?
3. Are we both hoping to stay together, or is one of us unsure?
4. Would it be easier for you to talk in person or by video?
5. What would make you feel the counselor wasn’t on your side?

Venna isn’t marriage counseling, and it has no therapists. On Venna, you and your spouse have a guided, one-hour voice call with another couple who’s going through something similar or has been through it. You pick a topic, like trust, communication, or intimacy. The app asks the questions and makes sure each of you gets a turn. Couples share what they’ve been through instead of giving advice. Nothing is recorded unless all four of you choose a recorded session with an experienced couple, and no AI listens. Nobody uses real names, and the session only happens if all four of you agree.

You can use it while you wait to start counseling, or when you’re tired of going around in circles on your own and want to hear how another couple handled it.

Venna isn’t the place to go for abuse or a crisis. If you’re thinking about suicide or in crisis, call or text 988 anytime. In an emergency, call 911.

• University of Minnesota, Minnesota Couples on the Brink Project, Discernment counseling for couples (checked October 18, 2026).
• Doherty Relationship Institute, Discernment Counseling and Find a discernment counselor (checked October 18, 2026).
• Stanley, S. M., Amato, P. R., Johnson, C. A., & Markman, H. J. (2006). Premarital education, marital quality, and marital stability: Findings from a large, random household survey. Journal of Family Psychology, 20(1), 117–126.
• PREPARE/ENRICH, prepare-enrich.com, and FOCCUS, foccusinc.com (checked October 18, 2026).
• Psychology Today, Find a marriage counseling therapist (checked October 18, 2026).
• Psychology Today, How does couples therapy work? (checked October 18, 2026).
• National Domestic Violence Hotline, Should I go to couples therapy with my abusive partner? (checked October 18, 2026).
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 988lifeline.org.