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Trust and jealousy

“I forgave, but I don’t trust.”

Trust can break all at once, with an affair, or wear down when jealousy turns into checking and control. Rebuilding it is slow, and it depends mostly on what the person who broke it does, over and over, long after the apology. Here, we explain it, with sources, and with ways couples talk about trust without one of them policing the other.

2 articles
  • After an affair
  • Forgiving vs trusting
  • Checking their phone
  • Normal jealousy
  • When it becomes control

Start here

Couple story

How to rebuild trust in a relationship after an affair

How to rebuild trust in a relationship after an affair: a story told by both partners, what research says, steps for each of you, and when to get help.

Trust and jealousy · 8 min read

Words people use

Short explanations of the terms you’ll hear.

Forgiveness
No longer being run by anger or wanting to punish; it doesn’t mean forgetting or reconciling.
Rebuilding trust
Mostly what the person who broke it does, again and again, long after the apology.
Attachment bond
The bond that makes us look for closeness and safety with a partner.
Attachment style
Whether you tend to be anxious, avoidant, or secure in relationships; an online quiz can’t diagnose it.
Snooping
Going through a partner’s phone or messages, which rarely settles the doubt and breaks their trust.
Possessive jealousy
The National Domestic Violence Hotline lists it as a form of emotional abuse.

All trust and jealousy articles

Venna

Talk about it with a couple who’s been there

Pick “Trust” in the app. You’re matched with a couple going through something similar, or who has been through it.

  • One hour, by voice
  • The app asks the questions and gives each person a turn
  • No real names, and only if all four agree

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