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Stonewalling: meaning, examples, and what to do
What stonewalling means in a relationship, what it looks like, why people shut down mid-fight, how it differs from a break, and how to talk about it.
Arguments · 6 min read- Explained
The Four Horsemen (Gottman) and their antidotes
Gottman’s Four Horsemen in plain English: what criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling sound like, their antidotes, and the research.
Arguments · 8 min read - Explained
How to save my marriage when you’re the one trying
How to save your marriage when you’re scared, maybe trying alone: first steps, what you can change yourself, what backfires, and when to get help.
Arguments · 8 min read
Words people use
Short explanations of the terms you’ll hear.
- Four Horsemen
- John Gottman’s name for criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, four ways of arguing.
- Stonewalling
- Shutting down in a conflict: going quiet, looking away, or leaving without saying when you’ll be back.
- Flooding
- When your body is so stressed during a fight that listening becomes nearly impossible.
- Gentle start-up
- Raising a complaint without blame, by saying what you feel and what you need.
- Demand-withdraw
- A pattern where one partner pushes to talk about a problem and the other avoids it.
- Discernment counseling
- Short counseling, developed by William Doherty, for couples where one spouse is unsure about staying.
All arguments articles
- Explained
Stonewalling: meaning, examples, and what to do
What stonewalling means in a relationship, what it looks like, why people shut down mid-fight, how it differs from a break, and how to talk about it.
Arguments · 6 min read - Explained
The Four Horsemen (Gottman) and their antidotes
Gottman’s Four Horsemen in plain English: what criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling sound like, their antidotes, and the research.
Arguments · 8 min read - Explained
How to save my marriage when you’re the one trying
How to save your marriage when you’re scared, maybe trying alone: first steps, what you can change yourself, what backfires, and when to get help.
Arguments · 8 min read
Talk about it with a couple who’s been there
Pick “Communication” in the app. You’re matched with a couple going through something similar, or who has been through it.
- One hour, by voice
- The app asks the questions and gives each person a turn
- No real names, and only if all four agree